(The Frisky) -- Writing about dating is my full-time job, so, naturally, I hear a lot of pretty deranged tales of love gone wrong. But last week I received a letter from a woman who was convinced that men wouldn't go out with her because she was just too ... beautiful.
She fully believed her breathtaking attractiveness was anything but a man-magnet -- as one might expect. Instead, she said, her beauty acted as a Romeo-repellant, causing suitors to run screaming from her. Obviously, I explained the situation to her (perhaps it wasn't her gorgeous outsides, but her narcissistic insides that were doing the damage), but it did get me to thinking about all the other ridiculous reasons that women -- myself included -- come up with when they get dumped.
Along with being too beautiful, here are a few other qualities I guarantee nobody will ever break your heart over:
Too smart: I once had a friend who was convinced she couldn't keep a boyfriend because she was too smart for the male population. She was positive her staggering intellect was turning them off. Uh, no. What drove the men away (and most of her female friends, as well) was the fact that she was mean. We're talking stupendously cruel. Her definition of smart translated into cutting people down until they felt like the smallest person on earth. Not exactly a turn-on, no matter how cleverly it's worded.
I have to admit, having a woman that is articulant and inquisitive is very attractive, most of the time. However, words are dangerous, and if you don't think before you speak, you could place yourself in an unnecessary predicament. I'm all for women expressioning their opinions and all, but sometimes people need to learn when to shut the f*ck up (word to Tariq) Yes, I said it. Some people do not know how or when to choose their battles, and this can cause for conflict in a relationship. Sit back and think about all the times that your PRIDE has gotten the best of you, and you found yourself arguing about some dumb isht that shouldn't even matter the next day. Why?, because you don't want to be perceived as that subserviant woman and Beyonce has you feeling like Ms. independent and irraplacable.
Too good in bed: You've practiced Tantra, and you've never met a sexual position you wouldn't try at least once. Yet men will get with you one time, and then you never hear from them again. You're not getting dumped because of how well you do it, but because of how hard you try when you do it. Sex should be fun and relaxing -- not an audition for the porn Olympics.
This could go both ways for men and women, however I think women come to expect the man to be a little more advance and to take charge in the bedroom. Personally, I think if a woman jumped in bed and started directing the man into positions that he hasn't tried before that would be a big red flag. First you are going to think if, this heffa has been around the block a few times. I'm not saying that you have to teach her every thing because we all know that you aren't the first N' to be with her and you sure aren't going to be the last; but damn ladies be discreet about that isht sometimes. If you suck a man's balls through his d*ck (pause) on the first night, I guaranteed you aren't going to be wifey.
Too intimidating: An amalgam of the "too smart"/"too beautiful" non-dilemma, these women think they keep getting blown off because they're too accomplished, too employed, too gorgeous, too intellectual, too too. The only kind of man who is put off by a kind, smart, beautiful woman with a great career and a fantastic smile is the kind of dolt you don't want to be bothered with dating in the first place. However, these jerks are few and far between. Don't blame your broken heart on his inability to handle your extreme fabulosity. The fact of the matter is that nobody but a psycho is going to dump you be because you're too perfect.
First off, there isn't a balance of intellect and beauty when it comes to women. Show me a woman who is equally smart as beautiful, and I'll show you a woman with severe insecurities at the core.. I dare you to prove me wrong?
All this is not to say that his reasoning will make any sense if you do drag it out of him. It is to say that we ladies tend to overanalyze breakups. And while a little introspection is a good thing, a lot of introspection gets really boring, really fast. Onward!
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